new year

I like to work out early in the morning. Mostly because I take really long rest periods demanded by my heavy days. But when it comes to my school gym, going early means not many people. Better said, not many uncultured gym goers.

Im not saying Im the most educated human being when it comes to gym etiquette but there is a certain place in Hades's lair for people who curl in the squat rack. For all the non lifters reading this, that violation of equipment is equivalent of someone stealing your food. Sure sounds radical, but let me explain. Squatting is one of the big three exercises better known as the compound movements (Over head press counts…but Im not getting into that). Im no chemistry fan whatsoever (due to having a teacher who every period end would make a slideshow dividing the class into categories depending on their grades. Always shaming the lower ones. Guess where I always was..) but I did learn that a compound is a combination of multiple things. That is what the squat is; utilizing almost all muscles in your body. Therefore, the more muscles utilized, the more weight you can carry.
Squat racks are a piece of equipment that is idolized by iron heads like me. Beautifully designed to set the bar at your perfect height and the ability to have safety bars (which catch your barbel in the case of you failing) and to fit another person to spot you or just yell at you to stop being scared.

Curling on the other hand, is an isolation movement. It only utilizes the biceps and the forearms. If you're using your shoulders, then you're being ego centrical. You look stupid, lower the weight. What Im getting to with this is that the squat rack is designed for that, squats. Of course other movements can be done in it (i.e deadlifts, rack pulls, OHP, rows, shrugs, etc.). What all those lifts have in common though is that they are able to let you carry heavy weights. Honestly someone who is curling a ridiculous amount of weight is either doing it with terrible form or just what people like to call a brah. Brahs are everywhere: on the beach, the club, the coffee house, and apparently at my gym at 6 AM in the morning.

I went up to my gym's weight room, separated from the rest of the gym. Probably cause people like to look intimidating when lifting there. It is usually me and another two or three girls and let me tell you, men get really scared of you. Not because you lift, but because you don't give a shit if they can bench half reps of 225. I go to the gym to do my thing, not socialize. I do have a couple of people I talk to, but it is just a hello and good to see you. Today was my deadlift lower body day. I was hoping to continue to work on my sumo technique, aka as if you literally were a sumo fighter about to strangle someone. In this case the bar.
There are 5 squat racks in my gym. A godly number compared to most of the countries' college gyms. The three on the back were taken by two people squatting and one person deadlifitng. Ok, one of them has personal trainer priorities, so that one was taken. The last one I see empty. Score. I start walking towards it and then this kid comes in and starts curling the bar. The motherfucking bar. I have seen this kid before. He is no freshmen. The poor freshmen, they look so innocent and lost, and probably are very horrible at understanding the rules at first, but most of us were.
No this kid is probably a junior…who cares. He was curling on the squat rack.
I walked towards him and gave him a look. Most people (well most civilized people) who lift know that when someone wants to use the squat rack for you know squatting and you're just hanging in it, its ideal if you move. He didn't bat an eye.
After two more sets of him adding 10 lbs on each side and doing horrible form, I actually approached him and blatantly asked: "How many CURLS do you have left?" emphasis on curls.
"I don't know…like 3" he said.
"Well I want to front squat" I said. He literally just stared at me. "You can squat on the smith machine" he said.
I laughed but secretly wanted to kick him in the groin. "Well you can curl the dumbbells" I said.
What he answered next was the most baffling thing: "Its not enough weight for me." It was stupid to argue with this guy. So I just waited. He finally finished and I claimed the squat rack.

In my first class of the semester today, Global climate change, we watched a debate between Bill Nye the science guy and some dude on the Pierce Brosnan show. Bill was arguing that global climate change is cause primarily by humans while the other dude was saying it is natural. Our professor informed us that more than half the statements the man said had been proven false. Yet he attacked and attacked Bill. Even to the point of making fun of him by imitating him.

It got me thinking. I train for strength. Ive always been a small petite girl. 5'1" and 105 lbs is small. But I am strong, and it is probably a defense mechanism in disguise…Im not sure. But after seeing how Bill composed himself at the fact that a random stranger, who not only was being rude, loud and obnoxious, but also ignorant, showed me that I have grown a lot in that sense as well.

If this situation in the gym had happened two years ago, I would have made this kid curling feel like crap. I would have made a scene and forced him to move. Keeping my cool is something Ive worked on for most of my life. It has been a rough path, but Ive managed to really get a hang of myself when I feel im losing control.

True strength is not measured by the amount of weight you can pull, but by the way you behave in situations that are hard for you. I aspire to be as close to the type of human being Bill Nye is. You will encounter ignorant, and or rude people every where you go. Don't stoop to their level. Rise above.

where the wild things are

Wild.

Im usually really good with words…fuck I can talk for hours and hours on end. Part of me really wants to share what I learn. Be that the post I saw on Reddit or something I remembered from when I was in fourth grade and I only wore ponytails. My poor curls..they where forced to be stuck with each other. Bounded by the elastic ponytail (or how my friend calls them since they are made of transparent plastic: nuva rings).

Any ways, getting back to the topic, talking.

People do tell me Im loud and talkative. What people don't know is that I actually talk as more of a defense mechanism. I have always wrongly burdened myself with position of the "entertainer".
For those who are not familiar, the entertainer is that person that feels as if they are in charge of everyone else's fun and enjoyment.

Some people are what I like to call  party entertainers, i.e they mostly hold up conversations at parties. I do that.

Other people are task/labor entertainers. When stuck on a job or project between strangers, these people will ask everyone and their mother what their favorite fruit is (note no one ever says bananas) or what they would do if they were not in this job/major. I do that.

The rarest of all of course, are the complacent costumer entertainers (I have literally spelt that word wrong every single time…can i plug "english is my second language" thing now??). We have all been in the hair salon sitting while someone does our hair. Or when the cashier tries to make small talk and you take it to a whole other level. Ha! my favorite though is when you're sitting in a cab and end up talking about the latest politic scam that you rather just agree with because you never know if the driver will take you to your destination (I love uber…). I do that.

Well, you clearly see my problem now.

By nature im definitely an introvert. Let me explain what that means. People often think that introverts don't like to talk and keep to themselves. While that might be true to some people, the actual definition of being an introvert is that who gets energy from being alone. Careful, being alone and being lonely are two very different things. I love my time where I just sit in my room and do nothing but watch anime or read the av club reviews. At the same time, I enjoy being with the people I love and care about. Here is where it gets interesting: with this people I can be silent. Still. Not say a word and be content.

My roommates and I last semester, would all have our laptops out on the common room. Each doing our own thing, being millennial babies that use electronics more than their pencils. But the beauty of this is that despite the silence, it felt comfortable and right.

Going on long car or bus rides with people, just sitting there contemplating. No need for forced, cringe worthy talk. Just company.

Why is it then that with strangers, people I necessarily don't care about in any deeper level, or people I just met, I have that necessity to talk nonstop? What makes me think that by talking I will ease the situation or get rid of the awkwardness?

If I had the answer right now, I would definitely type it. I cant be the only one that does this. In fact Im so aware that I do this that I can notice when someone else has that problem. Well to that person who also feels they need to bombard words in order to feel safe, two things:

1- I feel your pain
2- Thanks for taking over, smell ya later (Pokemon reference eh, eh..?)

Throughout my years of doing this, I have learned that if people don't want to talk back, its not because of me or because I bore them. Its because they simply do not want to talk. Maybe they don't like me and that is fine. In that case, I just need to let go, move on.

Grasping the concept of another human being not liking us is really hard. We are after all a social creature…But what I need to work on is silence.

Im not being boring because im not talking. Im not in charge of anyone's well being but my own (in this case). People who like me for who I am will listen to me when I ramble, but they will not leave when I don't.

I guess this post was in itself a ramble. And I appreciate you reading it. Its short. I don't really have much more to say, which unusual for me.

So I like films. And TV, and books, web pages, magazines, graphic novels, video games…I like all sorts of media. A lot.
If i had to put a number to it, I would say I spend at least 14 hours a day involved in any of these activities. It might sound like a lot, but trust me, Im not even that bad…

Let me start by introducing myself; My name is Lyann. I was born in Mexico City. In case you didn't know, Mexico City is one of the biggest and most populated cities in the world. How big? it fights for the number one spot with Honk Kong and Manhattan and also contains 20 million people (Mexico has 100 in the entire country, make a calculation).

I grew up in a jewish house hold. Yes, Im mexican and Jewish. There are a decent amount of us. This meant that even before I said my first word (which I think was Piccolo--helicopter in italian…) it was already pre-determined that I would attend a jewish school. A jewish school means that you take various classes in hebrew. And there fore Im fluent in one of the most useful languages in the world. Not because its spoken in many places (Some people Ive spoken to don't even know what hebrew is) but because whenever you wanna talk trash about someone, its really handy that they won't understand. 

While growing up I played any sport imaginable. My two main ones though were horseback riding and soccer. Soccer is big in Mexico…well huge. As for horseback riding, I was lucky enough to be able to do so for 13 years; mostly jumping. Drawing also was part of my everyday. If I could count all the sketchbooks ive gone through..o man i don't even know.
I also learnt to play the guitar and base and to sing. I had an all girls band and we were badass. That is until one week before our competition I got a message from the guitarist letting us know she didn't want to play anymore…that bitch. Over a text and with less than a week to prepare (we got a nice guy to fill in, but the mojo of an all girls band was lost).

Another thing you should know about me is that I spent a year abroad in VT (junior year of high school) in a school called "The Putney school". Putney is town of 2000 people that has like VT is famous for, more cows than citizens. It was a great experience, although it came with its downsides…My eating disorder started developing.

Honestly senior year of high school was a rough year. Even though I turned 18, which in Mexico is the legal drinking age, graduated, got accepted into college in the US, won best actress for my school play (which also won first place), managed a concert and went to my first Lady Gaga concert, i was also really isolated from all my loved ones due to my eating disorder.

This is an introduction of me…so I will get into details about that in another post. But after one semester in college, I had to take a medical leave and head to treatment. Spent 4 months in patient and 8 months out patient. It was one of the most fruitful years of my life. as hard as it felt to go through all the things I did, I am so grateful that I had all the people in my life to help me.

Ive been back at school since spring 2013, I changed my major to theatre and media/screen studies and couldn't be happier. I have great friends all over the US and world, a wonderful boyfriend, and so much to look forward to.

Now that you made it past my corny, cheesy and typical intro, let yourself emerge into what is a hybrid of mexican, geeky, female, athlete, actress, writer (I think..?) brain. I don't think Im necessarily the most exciting person you will read about, but I definitely have a good couple of opinions. Ok im running out of witty ideas, actually I don't think this post was witty enough. Ill stop now.