Wild.
Im usually really good with words…fuck I can talk for hours and hours on end. Part of me really wants to share what I learn. Be that the post I saw on Reddit or something I remembered from when I was in fourth grade and I only wore ponytails. My poor curls..they where forced to be stuck with each other. Bounded by the elastic ponytail (or how my friend calls them since they are made of transparent plastic: nuva rings).
Any ways, getting back to the topic, talking.
People do tell me Im loud and talkative. What people don't know is that I actually talk as more of a defense mechanism. I have always wrongly burdened myself with position of the "entertainer".
For those who are not familiar, the entertainer is that person that feels as if they are in charge of everyone else's fun and enjoyment.
Some people are what I like to call party entertainers, i.e they mostly hold up conversations at parties. I do that.
Other people are task/labor entertainers. When stuck on a job or project between strangers, these people will ask everyone and their mother what their favorite fruit is (note no one ever says bananas) or what they would do if they were not in this job/major. I do that.
The rarest of all of course, are the complacent costumer entertainers (I have literally spelt that word wrong every single time…can i plug "english is my second language" thing now??). We have all been in the hair salon sitting while someone does our hair. Or when the cashier tries to make small talk and you take it to a whole other level. Ha! my favorite though is when you're sitting in a cab and end up talking about the latest politic scam that you rather just agree with because you never know if the driver will take you to your destination (I love uber…). I do that.
Well, you clearly see my problem now.
By nature im definitely an introvert. Let me explain what that means. People often think that introverts don't like to talk and keep to themselves. While that might be true to some people, the actual definition of being an introvert is that who gets energy from being alone. Careful, being alone and being lonely are two very different things. I love my time where I just sit in my room and do nothing but watch anime or read the av club reviews. At the same time, I enjoy being with the people I love and care about. Here is where it gets interesting: with this people I can be silent. Still. Not say a word and be content.
My roommates and I last semester, would all have our laptops out on the common room. Each doing our own thing, being millennial babies that use electronics more than their pencils. But the beauty of this is that despite the silence, it felt comfortable and right.
Going on long car or bus rides with people, just sitting there contemplating. No need for forced, cringe worthy talk. Just company.
Why is it then that with strangers, people I necessarily don't care about in any deeper level, or people I just met, I have that necessity to talk nonstop? What makes me think that by talking I will ease the situation or get rid of the awkwardness?
If I had the answer right now, I would definitely type it. I cant be the only one that does this. In fact Im so aware that I do this that I can notice when someone else has that problem. Well to that person who also feels they need to bombard words in order to feel safe, two things:
1- I feel your pain
2- Thanks for taking over, smell ya later (Pokemon reference eh, eh..?)
Throughout my years of doing this, I have learned that if people don't want to talk back, its not because of me or because I bore them. Its because they simply do not want to talk. Maybe they don't like me and that is fine. In that case, I just need to let go, move on.
Grasping the concept of another human being not liking us is really hard. We are after all a social creature…But what I need to work on is silence.
Im not being boring because im not talking. Im not in charge of anyone's well being but my own (in this case). People who like me for who I am will listen to me when I ramble, but they will not leave when I don't.
I guess this post was in itself a ramble. And I appreciate you reading it. Its short. I don't really have much more to say, which unusual for me.
Im usually really good with words…fuck I can talk for hours and hours on end. Part of me really wants to share what I learn. Be that the post I saw on Reddit or something I remembered from when I was in fourth grade and I only wore ponytails. My poor curls..they where forced to be stuck with each other. Bounded by the elastic ponytail (or how my friend calls them since they are made of transparent plastic: nuva rings).
Any ways, getting back to the topic, talking.
People do tell me Im loud and talkative. What people don't know is that I actually talk as more of a defense mechanism. I have always wrongly burdened myself with position of the "entertainer".
For those who are not familiar, the entertainer is that person that feels as if they are in charge of everyone else's fun and enjoyment.
Some people are what I like to call party entertainers, i.e they mostly hold up conversations at parties. I do that.
Other people are task/labor entertainers. When stuck on a job or project between strangers, these people will ask everyone and their mother what their favorite fruit is (note no one ever says bananas) or what they would do if they were not in this job/major. I do that.
The rarest of all of course, are the complacent costumer entertainers (I have literally spelt that word wrong every single time…can i plug "english is my second language" thing now??). We have all been in the hair salon sitting while someone does our hair. Or when the cashier tries to make small talk and you take it to a whole other level. Ha! my favorite though is when you're sitting in a cab and end up talking about the latest politic scam that you rather just agree with because you never know if the driver will take you to your destination (I love uber…). I do that.
Well, you clearly see my problem now.
By nature im definitely an introvert. Let me explain what that means. People often think that introverts don't like to talk and keep to themselves. While that might be true to some people, the actual definition of being an introvert is that who gets energy from being alone. Careful, being alone and being lonely are two very different things. I love my time where I just sit in my room and do nothing but watch anime or read the av club reviews. At the same time, I enjoy being with the people I love and care about. Here is where it gets interesting: with this people I can be silent. Still. Not say a word and be content.
My roommates and I last semester, would all have our laptops out on the common room. Each doing our own thing, being millennial babies that use electronics more than their pencils. But the beauty of this is that despite the silence, it felt comfortable and right.
Going on long car or bus rides with people, just sitting there contemplating. No need for forced, cringe worthy talk. Just company.
Why is it then that with strangers, people I necessarily don't care about in any deeper level, or people I just met, I have that necessity to talk nonstop? What makes me think that by talking I will ease the situation or get rid of the awkwardness?
If I had the answer right now, I would definitely type it. I cant be the only one that does this. In fact Im so aware that I do this that I can notice when someone else has that problem. Well to that person who also feels they need to bombard words in order to feel safe, two things:
1- I feel your pain
2- Thanks for taking over, smell ya later (Pokemon reference eh, eh..?)
Throughout my years of doing this, I have learned that if people don't want to talk back, its not because of me or because I bore them. Its because they simply do not want to talk. Maybe they don't like me and that is fine. In that case, I just need to let go, move on.
Grasping the concept of another human being not liking us is really hard. We are after all a social creature…But what I need to work on is silence.
Im not being boring because im not talking. Im not in charge of anyone's well being but my own (in this case). People who like me for who I am will listen to me when I ramble, but they will not leave when I don't.
I guess this post was in itself a ramble. And I appreciate you reading it. Its short. I don't really have much more to say, which unusual for me.
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